Friday, September 07, 2007

Lessons Learning

Wisdom from the land of the online dating sites:
  • Photos:
    • Ok, I'm superficial. Fine, I can handle that. I need pictures, plural. (and eHarmony, I really don't want to pay you for the pleasure. grrr...)
    • I know, I'm a camera geek, but surely you can see that the quality of the picture you uploaded is bad, right?
      • Half face covered in shadow
      • 16 pixels total
      • blurry because the camera didn't focus or blurry because you blurred it?
      • Red eyes? ix-nay on the demonic irlfriend-gay
      • Dark hair? Dark clothes? Dark background? bad photo? Ah! Floating HEAD!
    • Where are you? Disneyword? Cute. Paris? Cool. The bathroom? Awkward. Also, is that a rifle in the background?
    • Why are you clutching lovingly at the guy there? If that's a brother or friend or something, a note would be nice.
    • related - Disturbing crops. Who or what did you crop out of that photo. Are you leaning on a photogenically ugly wall or Bin Laden?
    • I know that you are trying to show that you are active and all, but if you are in mortal danger in each of your photos, perhaps you ain't for me.
    • Cute picture of you at the bar with friends? cool, shows you are sociable and what you do for fun.
    • Several photos of you completely sloshed and slightly drooling? Not so cool. Shows you are sociable and what you do for fun.
    • Glamor shots. Ok, this may be just me, but a woman who can dress up or down for anything is very attractive. A woman who wears an inch and a half of pancake, chisel-proof hair, tilts her head at a 45 degree angle and looks back over her head with a runaway bride look in her eyes - not so much.
    • Cleavage. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of cleavage, and there's nothing wrong with showing it in your pictures, but c'mon cameraman, the eyes are up here. If the photo is focused on your boobs, and I can see more than your plastic surgeon could, I'm going to assume that's all you have to offer.
    • Animals. Again, I get it. You love animals. I do too. But if there are significantly more pictures of your beloved Bingo then of you, I'm curious if there's room in your world for anyone else.
I'm learning more and more every day :)


BrightStar said...

In defense of the women, and I don't know why I am defending them, and maybe I should say in defense of anything trying to find a photo of themselves worth sharing, how often do we really get pictures of ourselves taken? I know that I'm always HOLDING the camera, so I find photos of me to be scarce, particularly photos of myself alone.

Still, your take on all of that was quite funny.

zerodoll said...

photos were really really hard to do on match. i would submit it looking one way and it would be cropped in some horrific fashion on my profile, showing every pore on my face but cropping out my hair, for example. took lots and lots of tries to get it to look the way i wanted. and i had no idea that multiple photos were needed, but certain others will back you up on that one!

i also found it incredibly difficult to find a photo that looked like me (or what i think i look like!) my best friend tried to take some and then told me i don't translate well to 2D. but, it is a huge relief when you show up for the date and can recognize the person straightaway. so obviously, photos are a must. without them, there is no reading of the profile. don't worry about being superficial, but also keep an open mind about photo difficulty! :)

happy hunting!

Overread said...

No, no - you guys are right. And I'm most certain that my pictures ain't art. I should of have Jayfish shoot some of me when he offered last time I was up there. If anyone could make me look good, he could :)

Actually, I exaggerating a tad when I bash the photos. Most of them are fine, and like you say, zerodoll, I'm mainly interested in simply being able to see what they look like, and being able to recognize them. I really like the line about not translating into 2D. That's genius :)

BrightStar said...

Also, I have met a bunch of people online through this here blog community, and most everyone says I don't quite look like my photos -- whatever that means -- and I think zerodoll is right about the translating into 2D issue.

Ianqui said...

Heh. That post was awesome.

I'm sort of iffy at portrait photography, but I figure I can do a lot better that what people put up. Sometimes I think I should go into the micro-photography business just for dating service pictures. Hey, for $20, I'll take a bunch of photos and you can have 'em. I don't need to get rich off of it, just a little side money, right?

Scrivener said...

Haha. Thank god I'm not trying to date anymore. Oh, was that callous? Sorry.