Overread's Rules For Using the Self-Checkout At The Supermarket

1. You must be literate. The computer will ask you questions and you will need to respond. You should not just stand there yelling at the computer until the employee comes and does everything for you.
   
2. Don't bring scads of fruits and veggies unless you know the codes, or at least the name of the item. No one will be pleased if you stop halfway through the checkout several times to run back to find out what kind of kumquat you picked up
   
1. addendum: People will be even more unhappy if you argue with the employee that no, these are not hurricane peaches, because these peaches were on sale for about 3 cents per pound less than the hurricane peaches
3. You must not be dumber than a box of rocks
4. You must understand the concept behind scanning UPC codes
5. Seriously. Just go through the regular lines if you have an entire cart full of crap. Where do you think you're going to put it all? Are you going to scan it and then put it back in your cart? On top of the other stuff you haven't scanned? And then dig through all that stuff to get to the stuff to get to the stuff you still need to scan? Oh crap. Yes, that's exactly what you are going to do...

Note: Girl Scout cookies are today being sold be very surly-looking middle-aged women. No Sale.