I Need You to Need Me

As seen everywhere – Google your name with ‘needs’ and see what the oracle of Google has to say.

What I need:

Overread needs to learn how to interact with people like a human.   (True enough at times)

Overread needs to provide full documentation of the states and transitions of his proposal.  (You have know idea…)

Overread needs to be a bit more diligent in his research (Google is getting harsh!)

Overread needs a tan.   (Google’s stalking me)

Overread needs his coffee in the morning, and tends to bite if this is not quickly brought to his tent.  (I don’t even drink coffee… Although it wasn’t too long ago that getting between me and my Diet Coke was a bad idea…)

I think Overread needs medication.  (I said I don’t drink coffee!)

Overread needs a kidney (I do.  I think we all do.)

Overread needs a catheter to relieve pressure in his abdomen.  (umm… no thanks.)

Overread needs to shut up and walk away.   (That would solve a lot of my problems.)

Overread needs your financial support! (Very true!  Give generously and often!)

Overread needs a girlfriend. (Very true!  Give generously and often!)

Overread needs fate, or a series of preposterous plot machinations, to effect his deliverance.  (I know the thesis is bad, but I don’t think I need that much help to fix it.)

Overread needs to have people argue with him more often. (I do kind of like a good argument.)

Overread needs help as he takes on the toughest competition he has ever faced. (I would need help to take on an undernourished squirrel.)

Overread needs wrapping paper. (Well, not yet, as I haven’t bought any gifts yet.)

Overread needs no introduction while Tommy is an "urchin" from Edinburgh. (I am an “urchin” from the U.S.)

Overread needs to lay off on the expletives (Fuck you, Google.)

Overread needs to become a born-again Satanist. (yeah, but only a clean-mouthed one)

Overread needs to be removed (I think that’s wise.)