Gobble Gobble

A very happy Turkey Day to all who find this blog, and to all those who don't. May your turkey be moist, your cranberries ever so slightly tart (even if they come from a can), and your favorite teams win, or at the very least not embarrass themselves too badly.

I usually think that the 'I'm thankful for...' posts are a bit silly, but that shouldn't stop anyone from doing one. Because honestly, even though I moan and gripe, I really am quite thankful.

I'm so very thankful to have such a wonderful family. Even when I don't show up to thanksgiving, they don't seem to hate me too badly. My siblings are simply two of the best people I know. I've got incredible nieces and in-laws (and a particularly great soon-to-be in-law). My mother is the most kind and thoughtful person in the world. Even my Grandpa is cooler than anything.

I'm studying a subject I love at a very good school. I'm teaching classes I enjoy. As long as I keep on it, I might even be able to get a degree and eventually earn enough money to begin paying back the fine international conglomeration-banks that were kind enough to allow me to hawk my future in order to do what I'm doing.

I'm even fortunate enough to have a surprisingly loyal readership that continues to read my silly little blog despite my inconsistent posting of dubious quality.

So thanks to you, my friends. I'm very happy to have you here and visit you at your bloghomes.

Know Your Blogger

I know most everyone got done with spring classes a long time ago, but I just got done with mine. Well, all but the grading. So thus ends my first academic year at USU. I don't think I'm ready to put together a full review of the year. Hopefully that will come later.

That being said, when I thought the blog was gone, I figured I would start a new one. I was going to start off with a State of the Overread. Anyway, the blog was saved, but I still feel like I should do a bit of a status report.

Overread, one each.

• Physical Characteristics:
  
• Body:
• Shortish, a touch on the heavy side.
  
• Hair:
• Brown hair everywhere
  
• I can sing most of the musical 'Hair.' Badly.
• Other:
• bad eyes (also brown)
  
• legs that can run for a long time when forced
• Family:
  
• Older brother, Older sister, mother and assorted others that aren't online and thus won't be mentioned. All amazing people. Some even have blogs if you know where to look.
  
• Personal Life:
• Undetectable by modern scientific means. It's probably time to head to the online matchmaker site, or.... the mail-order bride sites?
  
• Point of Origin:
  
• Smack dab in the middle of the US
• Current Location:
  
• Urban Sprawl University
  
• Education Status:
• First attempt at university (Kashyyyk U) with a theatre degree terminated due to opportunity to make fame and fortune in NYC.
• Sidenote: fame and fortune not made in NYC or elsewhere. Well, yet.
  
• BA (Partyschool U) in Gruub Studies
  
• MA (Partyschool U) in Gruub Studies
  
• 1 year of PhD completed in Gruub studies
  
• Current Projects:
  
• Paper on [REDACTED] due in the spring: Very interesting, possibly dissertation feed-in material (which is very cool and terrifying at the same time). Unfortunately, only partially finished and most likely to be delayed
  
• Paper on [REDACTED] due in the fall: Also very interesting, but a very big stretch for me (You mean I have to research what? Umm... How exactly?), and probably not particularly useful for the dissertation.
• Plans for the Future:
• Summer: still up in the air. There are hopes for a 8 week trip to [To be announced later]
• Fall:
  
• Seminars out the wazoo
• Another year of TAing (the same class I TAed this last year. Hopefully that means less class prep)
• Lottery win.
  

On The Couch

I think part of the reason for my lack of posts lately is more than simply the fact that I don’t sit in front of the computer 7 hours out of every day like I did at Old U. I think it’s something a little more fundamental. I imagine it’s not odd or unexpected that a switch to a bigger and more ‘important’ university would lead to stress, anxiety and self-questioning. I generally hate doing or being thought of as doing what is expected, but there you have it – I’m having a bit of an stress crisis.

Part of it comes from simple insecurity. The main seminar I’m in right now is on a topic that I don’t consider strictly in my realm of study, but I’m wondering more and more if it isn’t dealing with a lot of topics that I need to be able to manipulate well. Add to that the fact that the class I’m TAing now (and will be for the foreseeable future) is one that I feel more than a little bit uncomfortable teaching, and it all adds up to me feeling that I’m not doing what I want to be doing, and I don’t feel particularly effective doing what I’m doing.

So. I’m buried in work about things that I believe are important but not particularly interesting or as rewarding as I would like, and worried that this is what the next 5 years (perhaps the entire academic career?) will be like.

All this makes me feel sluggish. I’m not running as much as I used to. I’m sleeping more than I should. I feel like my brain is set on slow. I sometimes struggle to force myself to read through a page of words that swim around the page only to realize that I didn’t really understand any of it and have to start again. I'm pretty lazy to begin with, but now it seems to be getting worse.

As an optimist against all reason, I should say that I’m glad I’m in the seminar, and I am getting a lot out of it. I’m glad I’m TAing the difficult class for a lot of reasons. I really do think things will come out all right, even though I couldn’t tell you how. I just hope that I’ll be able to find something to re-inspire me – something challenging but that I know I can do, and do well.

I’ve got a pile of grading I don’t want to do, several chapters left to read (at least they’re in English), and a response paper to write, but I think I’m going to put on my running clothes and see if that convinces me to get out the door and run.

Edited to add: Because of the Blogger outage, I didn't post this right after I wrote it, but I did get out and do a long run. It felt pretty good.

8.88mi - 1:05'55"

Whoopsie

I got a very nice letter from the admissions department congratulating me for choosing the university and welcoming me to the graduate department for the fall. It included a pamphlet about getting to know the area.

Only thing is - it was from one of the universities that I declined.

Do they still think I'm going there? Is my name taking up a slot that some waitlisted hopeful wanted? ack ack ack. I shall talk to them but, dang, I mean haven't most fall semesters already started?