Whoa.

Anonnymous to the very very very young girl in front of me in line buying an E.P.T. kit this morning: Good luck.

CNN Gets Worse Daily

I really do agree that autism is an important topic worth investigation in the news, but why has CNN suddenly become the Autism Channel? There was just a tease asking "What do the presidential candidates say about autism?"

Really?

Surely we need to ask Bernanke about it. I've no doubt that Mugabe would have some insight, too. "President Hu, do you think that the Tibetan people understand the dangers of autism?"

Up Close And Personal With A Light Saber

Fair warning - another long, rambly post follows :)

So when they say it doesn't hurt, they aren't exactly lying. They also say it might be uncomfortable, too. That's a little closer to the truth.

Let me step back a bit.

I've wanted to get Lasik for a couple of years now. I dug around looking at the safety issues and dangers and all that jazz for quite a long time. I'd pretty much decided to do it, but maybe some day in the indefinite future.

A little over a month ago, I ran out of contact lenses. I called the 1800contacts folks to get a couple of new boxes, but they said my prescription was too old and I had to go and get checked again. Ah, well, I figured, that's probably a good idea anyway.

I called the Kampus Kwack Klinic, and they said that they couldn't even give me an appointment because they were booked well beyond their ability to make appointments. That seems odd to me. Did their appointment book run out of pages? Are they dealing with a strange version of the Y2K issue (the Y3.2008 problem?). Anyway, they said my best bet was to call at the beginning of summer and pray to the minor gods of appointment-books, or I could call every morning at 8 until doomsday and see if anyone canceled (I'm exaggerating, but I'm also being more polite than the person on the phone was).

The final option was to go out and see an outside optometrist. Well, that sounded better in a lot of ways. After talking to some folks and checking reviews on Yelp!, I found a well-respected and quality guy fairly near where I live who even took my pathetic little grad-insurance. I called up and got an an appointment that day (through a cancellation - thanks minor gods of appointment-books!).

I showed up and brought up to the Doctor that at some time I might be interested in Lasik and asked his opinion about the whole thing. Turns out he works regularly with a really good lasarium (laser-drome? laserapolosa?) which is also very local, and he'd be happy to look at my eyes with lasers in mind. Cool.

Everything went fine, and the Doctor turned out to be really great. We talked a lot about the zapping, and by the end of the visit, I had decided to go for a full checkup at the laser-B-Q. Because you aren't supposed to wear contacts for awhile before getting zapped, I didn't even get a new set of contacts, out the door with my old beat up glasses.

To make an already long story slightly less tedious, after the second checkup, I decided to get zapped at the earliest convenience. We're on spring break here, and if I needed a couple of extra days to recoop, I had 'em. So, I asked when they had an opening to zap me. They said tomorrow. I said ok.

The next day, everything went hunky-dory. Like I said, it was uncomfortable though. They pull open your eyes, Clockwork Orange-style and the laser machinery sits directly on your eyeball (I'm guessing here - they numbed up my eyes pretty good, but the evidence is in what they say is eyeball bruising. Seriously. ick.). Zip-zop, they slice your eye open and Zap-Zip it's all done. For me it took about maybe 10 minutes, tops.

I sat around for a few minutes in a dark room with a glass of juice (they also offered me a power bar, which seemed... odd.), and the doctor came by and took a look at my eyes. All looked good, so they sent me home (wearing some very snazzy goggles).

No lie, the next day I woke up and I could see. Wizz-bang-poof. I mean, I could see a whole lot better already immediately after, but it was still very hazy. The next day, it seriously felt like I had brand new contact lenses in. This is going from -6.5 in both eyes to, well, I went in for the follow-up exam and tested 20/20 the day after the operation. It's been a little over a week now, and everything is healing the way it should. I went in for another follow-up a couple of days ago and it looks like I wont need any glasses until I need reading glasses. Hooray!

Random pieces of info:

• Yes, I do have slight haloing around lights at night, but that was expected and is getting better as my eyes heal. It should go back to the same as pre-operation.
  
• One of the people at the laser clinic had some of the worst facial plastic surgery I've seen ever.
• It really is very freaky waking up in the middle of the night and being able to read the clock. It seems that a lot of the places use that as a selling point, but seriously, I don't ever remember being able to do that.
  
• I'm still a bit freaked out that they sliced open my eyeball with a laser. Ew.
  

Into the Uncanny Valley Of Death

Uncanny Valley: Definition
Uncanny Valley: Staring at you out of the monitor

via Kottke.org

Hit The Links

• Some genres get no respect
• It's a little overly wonky, but this video making fun of Clinton is pretty good if you've kept up with your internet memes:
• 
  
• Very funny take on Ethic food. It's really really hard for me not to go all academic on this and try to analyze it. Would you like to go out for an English tonight?
• and finally a sex scandal cheat sheet
  

Pardon Me, Where Do You Keep The Microfiche?

I'm fairly certain that I never could have even attempted to get a degree of any kind before technology ruled the world. Evidence? The Inter Library Loan is perhaps the coolest thing ever. I am now happily in the possession of a book that really ought not to exist. Technically, it might not be technology, but I never would have even known the book even existed without another reason I couldn't hack it earlier: Online library databases. Remember card catalogs? hehe Card Catalogs!

Ok, maybe we're loosing the ability to do, ya know, actual research, but still, card catalogs?

Also, scans? PDFs? online searchable journals? digital photographs? digital number crunching? And I'm in the humanities!

Ok, I'm off to read my secret shouldn't-still-exist book

TV Tonight

What does it say about me that I am flipping back and forth between Emma and Tomb Raider? I'm pretty sure it must be a diagnosable illness, a chemical imbalance to be sure.

By the way, what are the odds that I'll be able to use those two tags again?

Commercials That I Hate

So I'm watching some basketball today, and although I actually love good ads, boy are they craptacular. Even when I'm right in their target market. I'm sure this list will grow.

Coke vs. Coke Zero Taste Infringement series
- Inspires loathing. What a horrible useless campaign. Did they think it was funny? Why is it that idiocy is now considered a positive point? This has been around forever, and I just can't figure out why.

Degree Antiperspirant in the Future
- Ok, so you had a robot apply your antiperspirant in the morning and were nearly late for your meeting - especially after having to deal with that robotic dog who wanted to bit your butt. Should I just try not to think about why a robot would want to chase or bite you? Luckily there was a jet-pack thing there that got you to the meeting - with your holographic boss? And the hologram analyzes you for sweat? What. The. Hell?

Name That Film

Perhaps you might know how much I enjoy a quiz. Well now, some folks started a flickr pool called "Name That Film." The game is easy enough, upload a screengrab from a film and let the other folks try and figure out what film it came from. Fun! I will say though, that some folks are using this as an opportunity to go as obscure as possible. feh. Most of 'em are a lot of fun though. I'm almost regretting not having a decent film collection :)

Twenty-Six Point Two, Expanded

I hope you folks have this thing on bloglines or reader or something, 'cause hey, if it were me, I probably would have deleted the bookmark long ago. Just sayin'

So, I never did write about the marathon. I guess I'm sufficiently recovered to elaborate now :)

It really was fine, if a little disappointing. I had been sick for the week leading up to the run, so not only did I not do any nice maintenance running, but I was also a bit dehydrated. In any case, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I really did expect to do better, but I beat my last time (from '98? '99?) so that's something I guess.

I did pretty fine actually, well, up to about mile 18. Then things started getting ugly. My ankle (oddly enough, not the one that had bothered me a while back) started complaining, which wasn't bad, but then my thigh started to cramp up. The really rough thing is that you can pretty much run through mild pain - endorphines and bull-headedness, I guess, but boy howdy, a cramp will really sit you down and give you a stern talking to about what an idiot you are.

There's a really weird thing about the decision to start walking for me. For me, walking equals failure. That's overstating it a bit, but not by much. Also, there's the idea (true enough) that once you start to walk, it becomes so much harder to start running again. So I ended up nearly dropping into a walk several times, and then pushing on and congratulating myself only to find a few minutes later trying to stave off the walkies again. It really is a huge mind-game.

I was pretty happy with the run up to that point, but once the cramping started to really settle in, I lost (or won?) the arguement with myself and started walking. Every so often, I tried to start running again, but it's funny how it seemed like my body bought into the idea that we were done doing that pain-thing for the day, and it didn't want to have anything to do with this whole jogging bit anymore.

So, I walked. and walked. I felt pretty pathetic walking by the crowds of people cheering the runners on. Some of the people actually yelled out "Go runners!" hmm... Guess they weren't talking about me :) I should also say that there were heaps of walkers and the ex-runners like myself, but still. Feh.

Anyway, about mile 21, I was able to pick up something that might be charitably called a jog again, and started to trundle off. As I ran further, the aches and pains gradually fell away and by about mile 24, I was almost running at speed again. Well, ok, maybe not speed, but noticeably no longer shuffle-jogging.

I was able to run out the rest of the marathon, and got my little finishers medal and a whole crapload of free cookies and bananas and gels and chocolate and sport drinks etc etc.

Probably the coolest thing was on the bus back to where I was staying, there was a itty bitty kid and his mom. The mom pointed over at me (still wearing medal and bib) and said, "See? He ran the marathon!" and the little kid said, "cool."

Cool.

26.2 Dammit

Pros and Cons

Bonus effect of getting a cold:

Deeper voice - can now sing bass

Downside:

Running a marathon with a cold this weekend.

Comics 'n' Charts

Maybe you like Garfield. Maybe you don't. But take him out of the comic and you've got something truly bizarre.

Sometimes, music is hard to understand.
Charts
might
help.

Be It Resolved

• "Mid-Term" Exams
• You can not have more than one per term, otherwise it is not a mid-term.
  
• If you want to use the phrase to scare students, it doesn't work. And your loyal TAs are the ones that take the brunt of the anger.
  
• Unless it takes place in the middle(ish) of the term, and there is only one, just call it a 'test.'
  
• Advertising on campus
• Litering /= marketing.
• You cannot convince me in any more effective way that your product is not worth my time than by covering the campus with your pathetic 'guerrilla' marketing.

That is all.

A Change on Main Street

There's a movie rental chain store that's going out of business near me. It opened last November, maybe. I don't really have any sympathy, 'cause hey, first off, it's a huge chain monstrosity, and second, who in their right mind thinks that expanding a movie rental business now? Well, that and I'm heartless. Surely there's a huge contraction going on right now and without a fundamental change in the business, it's got no shot, right?

That's not what this post was supposed to be about though. The store is running a sale on all their stock. Right now it's 25% off their used price - anyway it ends up being about 7 bucks per DVD. Now, to be honest, I really don't care that much for owning disks - music or movies, but hey, I'd take a look. I ended up picking up four funky foreign flicks (not entirely because of the alliterative possibilities). One of which was Lagaan - a very fun Bollywood song and dance movie about cricket. I mean, seriously, how could I not, right?

The odd thing was you could see the horror that is the film industry on display. There were uncountable numbers of movies I'd never even heard of. The main studio films were about as bad. There were stacks and stacks of Showgirls and Taledada Nights. I guess it makes sense for the rental biz, but I was wondering if they could find a home for all of those. The "Special Interest" section was scarier. There were a whole lot of copies of "Chickfight."

Am I too pessimistic to think that Chickfight will sell out before Showgirls?

Tonight We Watch Movies in HELL!

Watched 300.

I do enjoy a good popcorn boom boom movie. I like explosions and cheesecake and all that jazz. I understand that people enjoyed the visuals. It was striking, and movies that actually have a unique visual vision are rare, so I guess that's something. I can't really form a coherent paragraph, so bullet points will serve.

• Why oh why oh why must every 'historically inspired' group of people go off on the importance of their 'country' and the eternal value of 'freedom' regardless of any historical basis?
• Seriously, even if it was a comment on the modern world, it was incoherent.
  
• Those heroic and noble light skinned people surely showed it to those dark skinned evil foreigners, didn't they?
• Now I ain't no Greek scholar or nothin' but the swipe at Athenians being 'boy lovers?' Umm... Pot or kettle?
• The entire queen's speech - utter crap. Seriously, I speak to you not as your queen but as a mother? What the hell?
• Did Sparta even have the position of queen? Also, didn't they have two kings?

Ugh, I've got to stop now.

I understand that it was supposed to be a melodrama, but still...

I'm over-thinking this, aren't I?

Mrs. Robinson, You AreTrying To Quiz Me.

Ah! Now you folks are back in the swing of things! Including a late catch by the Quarterflashing Corndog. Now there's an image. Which quarter, I wonder?

Anywhoo - numbers 2 and 8 were through the holes in the net last time- #2 was Rod Stewart's "Infatuation" and well, hey, I never thought I'd catch you guys with a Madonna, but there ya go - "Who's That Girl?" for #8.

Let's do this again, shall we? I'm still stuck on the 80s channel, so bear with me:

1.

Gave you my heart, gave you my soul
You left me alone here
With nothing to hold
Yesterday's gone
Now all I want is a smile

2.

It's gotta be night and say
Just a matter of time
And we got nothing to be guilty of
Our love will climb any mountain near or far , we are
And we never let it end
We are devotion

3.

The problem's plain to see:
too much technology
Machines to save our lives.
Machines dehumanize

4.

you know,ain't no plans with a man,
this is the 80s and
I'm down the ladies

5.

You ask if I love you, well what can I say?
You know that I do and if this is just one of those games that we play
So I'll sing you a new song, please don't cry anymore
and then I'll ask your forgiveness, though I don't know just what I'm
asking it for

6.

Won't some sweet mama come and take a chance with me
'Cause I ain't so bad

7.

I'm so in love with you
Ill be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you're making me work so hard

8.

I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough
And if you move real slow I let it go

9.

I call, you're not at home
You're home, but you're not alone
If you wanna leave
Then why don't you say
Your love has gone anyway

10.

Could you like just picture me in like a leather teddy
Yeah right, hurt me, hurt me...
I'm sure! no way!

I'm Very Excited To Have The Opportunity

Any guesses how very much sick of writing letters trying to convince people to give me money so I can keep doing my research I am?

The answer is very.

I like talking about my topics, but I really really hate pimping myself like this.

Feh.

Watch Two, Play One

A couple of movies and a game from teh intertubes:

Star Trek plus Jefferson Airplane? Joy!


Um, I'm really not sure what to do with this one, especially the last part, but I thought you might need to see it.


And finally, a tower defense-style game. It's got wizards and zombies. That's got to be good, right?

Quizzing Like it’s Much Earlier Than 1999

So, now, in honor of this Day of Presidents, I present to you, a quiz. Of lyrics!

1.

There's things that you guess
And things that you know
There's boys you can trust
And girls that you don't

2.

Spirits soar when I'm by her side
She put a little love in this heart of mine
Maybe I'm lucky, maybe I'm freed
Maybe this woman's just all I need

3.

She's right here behind the glass
and you're gonna like her,
'cause she's got class.

4.

Although I want you bad I could let you go
'Cause there's a lot of girls out there that won't say no
But due to fact that I want you, Jackie
I want you more than human eyes can see

5.

Now who's this Don Juan I've been hearing of
Love hurts when only one's in love
Did ya fall first sight
Or did you need a shove?

6.

With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue
Dissolve the nerves that have just begun
Listening to Marvin all night long
This is the sound of my soul

7.

I told you
That we could fly
'Cause we all have wings
But some of us don't know why

8.

When you see her, say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye
She's trouble, in a word get closer to the fire
Run faster, her laughter burns you up inside
You're spinning round and round
You can't get up, you try but you can't

9.

Crying on the corner, waiting in the rain
I swear I'll never, ever wait again
You gave me your word, but words for you are lies

10.

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?