Thursday, December 01, 2005

Shouldn't This Go Into the Spam Folder?

Email: (no salutation or closing - there's no need for any silly formalities between you and the guy evaluating your progress this time around, right?)

"Hey! This is Stu Dent [he takes Russian Violet's classes, too, I believe] from your XX Gruub class. Can you tell me what my grade is so I know what to get on the final to get an A?"

Response:

Well, first off, a quick check of your grades (which you also have, by the by) shows that you aren't getting an 'A' unless the spirit of Laurence Olivier posesses your body and you give the Hamlet sililoquey before you take the final. Not that that would prove you've grasped the class material at all, but hey, it's got to be worth a lot of extra credit points somehow.

That being said, I'll repeat, you have all the numbers that I have, save one: your participation grade. Now, I know you didn't do the reading, and I know that you very rarely opened your mouth in discussion, and that when you did it was generally because you were called on. So, if I know this, I hope you do too. So you could probably ballpark your participation grade too.

Finally, even if I could, through some magical brew of freshmen guts and 6th-year-senior brains, conjour up a projected grade, how would that inform your studying for the final? If I told you you had a, say, 'C,' would you study harder than if I told you you were on a track for an 'A'? What about a 'D'? Would you give up or study like a madman, forsaking sleep and the company of others?

I'm skeptical.

Are you sending this email simply to remind me that you are an 'A' student and that I'd better keep that in mind while grading, or are you simply coming to terms that while you may have been an 'A' student in high school, doing it at university may be a mite bit harder?

2 comments:

luckybuzz said...

*whisper*(students are really starting to annoy me too.)

Limon de Campo said...

Students can be very tiresome. I wish I could find some way to be a teacher without them.

I'm kidding.

Mostly.